


Heartbeat

by Batdad (MizGoat)



Series: The Quartermaster [11]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: A Bit Of Backstory, M/M, New Relationship, Slice of Life, Young Love, heart's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-07 22:39:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15917715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MizGoat/pseuds/Batdad
Summary: Working up the courage to tell someone how you feel is never easy, especially not when they are your sergeant.





	Heartbeat

**Author's Note:**

> I know those of you who follow me on tumblr have heard me promising about this fic for a while. It's been slow going for no determinable reason. Finishing it though, I feel triumphant. I hope you all enjoy this little trek into Steady's past.
> 
> While I didn't use their names, because neither had them at this point in their lives, 1857 is Heart and 2038 is Steady.
> 
> Sten/Sunshine and Joy are [Divine Valley's](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineValley/pseuds/DivineValley)

CT-1857 has a problem. He has an attraction, a crush of sorts. Normally he wouldn’t let that bother him. He wasn’t shy. He could handle rejection. But his attraction was to a sergeant. Specifically, his sergeant, CT-2038, and that meant that a failed attempt could land him with a whole host of bad duty rosters and who knew what else lurked in the evil corners of a sergeant’s brain for troopers they were mad at. And success could land them both with fraternization charges.

He turned over a spoonful of the gravy covered protein mush he’d been served as the midday meal, and tried to work up the willpower to eat it.

Fraternization was an odd word. He knew it came from a word that meant brother, and yet the things that got you brought up on fraternization charges, well, they weren’t anything he’d want to do with someone he considered a brother. He certainly didn’t want to treat his sergeant like a sibling. 2038 had a sort of effortless confidence that 1857 craved desperately, and he had a warmth behind his calm that 1857 wanted to wrap around himself like a blanket.

The slap of a trey on the opposite side of the table snapped him out of his reverie.

“I hope that long face isn’t over the food. It doesn’t get any better.”

“It’s not, but the food sure isn’t helping any.” 1857 looked up into the face of a clone he didn’t know, but just behind him was one of 1857’s batchmates. His only batchmate now, he realized with a shock.

“Hey, Sten, er Sergeant,” he fumbled. He hadn’t seen Sten much since he had tested into NCO training, and they hadn’t been close before that. Still with the rest of their batch dead, the connection between them seemed to carry some indescribable weight that couldn’t simply be brushed aside.

“Actually he’s Sunshine now. My name’s Joy,” the clone who was now sitting across from him said with a grin. He seemed to be waiting for a response. 1857 looked to Sten for some sign that this was a joke, but he didn’t seem to be refuting anything, so maybe he really was Sunshine now. The galaxy spins. People change.

“I’m CT-1857.” Joy’s face fell.

“That’s no good. You need a real name,” Joy told him.

“I mean, it’d be nice, but I think it’s a bit pretentious to name yourself.” He paused and felt his cheeks color as he realized he was sitting across from someone who had done just that. He swallowed hard and plunged ahead. “And everyone who knew me well enough to name me is dead.”

In the silence that followed 1857 could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears.

“I broke my leg,” he said in response to the question Sunshine wasn’t asking. “In a training exercise, three days before we got called up. I was in medical with my leg in a cast when everyone else was on Geonosis. When everyone else…” he trailed off. Sunshine knew the rest.

“I see,” he said. There wasn’t much comfort in the words, but there wasn’t any judgement either.

The silence that followed stretched a little longer than was strictly comfortable.

“You know, they put a bunch of artificial protein in this. Would it kill them to add some artificial flavor?” 1857 watched as his portion of the ration meal slid from his spoon back onto the tray with a plop. There was no good way to come back from the all our batchmates are dead discussion, so backtracking would have to do.

“Never figured how you got so fussy. It's not like you've ever eaten any different.” Sunshine rolled his eyes and made a point of taking a large bite of his own food.

“Never saw the sun on Kamino, but I still knew it was raining.” There was more to that retort but 1857’s thought skittered away as he spotted his sergeant sitting a few tables over.

He was sitting by himself, using a stylus to write something on a tablet while awkwardly balancing a ladden spoon in his left hand. He leaned in to examine something on the tablet and nearly put the spoon into his hair. Then realizing his mistake he jerked back and glared at the spoon as if it was at fault. 

1857 bit his lip and sighed a little.

“Oooh, so that's what the trouble is.” Joy had followed his gaze and was grinning.

“Don't stare at him. Kriff, what if he sees you.” 1857 waved his hand frantically to draw Joy’s attention away.

“You know, he's really very cute,” Joy said still looking directly at the sergeant. “Sunshine back me up on this.”

“I guess he's all right,” Sunshine said barely glancing over his shoulder. Well it was better than the ogling Joy was doing.

“Oh be fair Sunshine, he's very handsome. Your brother has good taste. That frown, so intense.” 

1857 slammed his hand down on the table to try and get Joy to look back at him. It worked, but it was loud enough that it drew the attention of several other surrounding tables including that of his sergeant. He felt his ears grow hot, and he shrugged his shoulders up in embarrassment. 

“Please,” he hissed.

“Ok, ok. So I take it he doesn’t know?” Joy looked genuinely interested. “You should tell him.”

“You do know that would be breaking nearly all the fraternization rules? He’s not just a sergeant. He’s my sergeant. I’ve been assigned to his squad.” 1857 shook his head.

“Eh, the Jedi don’t notice so much,” Sunshine said turning his palms up.

“Or they don’t care.” Joy nudged Sunshine with his elbow. And suddenly it clicked why one of 1857’s grumpiest batchmates had let himself be renamed Sunshine.

It wasn't the only piece of evidence 1857 had that the Jedi were more lenient on the rules. He’d noticed several things since arriving that would have landed a cadet in hot water on Kamino. Hatch marks carved into armor, or hairstyles that varied wildly from the standard cut. He had asked 2038 about the latter and had received a very similar answer. The Jedi are not as strict about it. They don’t seem to mind.

And then the really startling thing had happened. 2038 had offered to cut his hair. 1857 swore he could still feel where his’s fingers had brushed along his neck while operating the clippers. It had been a small change, mostly just shortening up the sides, but then 2038 had told him to lean forward, and he had used the clippers to shave a small pair of chevrons pointing up from the nape of his neck. It had all been done with the same quiet confidence that the sergeant brought to everything he did. 1857 had had to resist running his fingers through them all day and feeling the ridges of prickly freshly shaved hair. 

He was doing it now he realized a bit belatedly.

“Hoping the new do will impress him?” Joy wiggled his eyebrows. 

“He gave it to me,” 1857 confessed. Joy’s grin spread even wider. 

“Well what are you waiting for? Sunny, back me up. You wouldn’t cut a new guy’s hair for him if you weren’t interested?” 

Sunshine didn’t say anything, but his eyebrows shot up and his lips pressed into a thin line. 1857 didn’t think he was necessarily a representative sample on the topic. 

“I’m a mess though, and he’s so confident.” 1857’s voice got soft, and he wasn’t quite sure why he admitted to that thought. 

“Just fake like you’re confident. It’s probably what he’s doing.” Sunshine was looking directly at him now, and 1857 knew that this wasn’t teasing. There was something too earnest in that gaze. 

“Easy as that?”

“Easy as that.”

_ Just fake it.  _ Sunshine’s words kept rattling around in his head as 1857 crept across the darkened barracks. He had spent the rest of the day chewing over the fact that the fear of repercussions was more of a trained response than a rational one. What exactly did he have to lose?

Seeing the only other living member of his batch again had allowed the vague collection of anxieties he carried with him to coalesce into a pattern that made sense. He was only alive because of a freak accident in training. Whatever time he had left was stolen, so he couldn’t afford to waste it. He wanted to spend it with the one person who had made him feel any measure of calm. 

He had sat next to 2038 at their evening meal. They hadn’t said much of anything important, but it had given him a chance to watch how the sergeant behaved toward him. It was hard to read him but, his gentle stoicism was a large part of the reason 1857 wanted him so badly. He had heard attractions referred to as magnetic before and had always assumed it meant being pulled together as magnets pull each other. This wasn’t quite that, but 1857 felt like a mess of iron filings that got pulled into elegant arcs under the magnetic pull of 2038’s self assurance. 

The rest of the squad had ended up joining them in a clatter if trays and boisterous chatter. 2038 rolled his eyes and ended up making eye contact with 1857. Then he had smiled a little self consciously. 1857 had made his decision then and there. 

Now he was sneaking over to 2038’s bunk well after lights out. At the edge of it he paused to take a deep breath and steel his nerves. He was cut off before he got a chance to try his carefully planned opening salvo. 

“Can’t sleep?” 2038 didn’t sound groggy or like he’d only just woken. 

“Apparently you can’t either. Maybe we can help each other out.” 1857 raised his eyebrows and hoped that his meaning was clear. 2038 was quiet a moment his face barely visible in the dark. 

“Are you crazy? We would be breaking so many rules. I can point you to the exact articles of the regs in question if you need reminding that you are being colossally stupid.”

“Care to give me a good dressing down for that then, Sarge?” He knew he should be dismayed by the apparent refusal but all he could think was that 2038 had been thinking about the problem enough to check the exact wording of the rules. He grinned at his own audacity. Another long moment passed between them in silence.

“Get in here,” 2038 hissed. 1857 wanted to whoop with joy but knew better than to risk waking the rest of the squad. 

Getting two men into a bunk designed for one was an inelegant procedure, but he found he didn’t mind so much because clumsy as it was, it still involved a lot of intimate contact with 2038. They ended up with him laying on top awkwardly propped on one elbow with one of 2038’s legs wedged rather excitingly between his own. 

“Well, you’ve got me. What do you want to do with me?” 2038 whispered, his mouth close enough to 1857’s ear that his warm breath tickled. He could feel the short hairs on his neck standing to attention. 

“I have no idea. I didn’t honestly think I would make it this far.” 

Underneath him 2038 went still and then began to shake. 1857 shifted his weight to look into his eyes and saw they were screwed shut. His brow was furrowed and he was biting his lip as he shook in barely contained laughter. It was the most beautiful sight. 1857 wondered what it would sound like, though he knew he couldn’t push to hear it tonight. Still, it was good to have goals for the future. 

When 2038 leaned back and exposed his throat, 1857 dipped down to kiss it. He realized belatedly that it might be odd to kiss someone’s neck without having kissed their mouth first, but he couldn’t bring himself to worry too much. 2038’s skin was warm and smelled not unpleasantly of sweat, and the way it kept shifting underneath his lips as stifled laughter rolled out of it was intoxicating. With that leg between his thighs 2038 had to be aware of exactly what effect this all was having on him.

“You are going to get me in so much trouble,” 2038 told him when he’d finally regained enough control to speak.

“Oh I sincerely hope so,” 1857 replied with a grin. 


End file.
